Welcome, 2013! Let the awesome begin!

I don’t really know how to describe 2012. It was better than some, and I wouldn’t even go so far as to say it was worse than others, it was just…a lot of the same. A lot of monotony. However, I’ll take that over tragedy and heartache any day, so I don’t feel right complaining. But…there were times it felt like these four walls were closing in on me and that nothing would ever change. I got tired of the same routine day in and day out, but I didn’t really do much to change it…I didn’t know what I could do.

2013 will be different. I can feel it. I can feel the possibilities, the change in the air, the change in me. 2013 is going to be EPIC, I just know it. I haven't felt this hopeful in a really long time.

A few highlights of 2012: 

 *Achieving my lifelong dream of becoming a published author in January, and then publishing two more books throughout the year

*Going to Cobourg with my sister-in-law to meet Gail Vaz-Oxlade

*Watching one of my best childhood friends get married and having my other best childhood friend as my date

*This is out of chronological order, but…Jenn’s bridal shower and bachelorette - day drunk, old friends, crazy dares, and dancing

*Going to Watertown for a day of shopping

*Finding out I’m going to be an aunt again!

*Spending so much time with Logan. I didn’t get to see Noah nearly as much as I wanted to this year, but Logan was here a lot between Amanda going to school and then working. I got to see more of him this past year than I ever did of Noah at that age, and I feel like I got to shape his mind and turn him into the crazy, wonderful little person he is. He was so receptive to everything I taught him, and he’s just the best baby ever. I feel so blessed to have both him and Noah in my life, and soon another little niece or nephew!

2013 Goals

Get healthy

I say this every year, but this is something I have to do. No more excuses. I'm going to do this differently than usual though: I'm not going to put as much pressure on myself as I usually do. I'm going to work steadily but not make it my main focus or become obsessive about it, because that's always my down-fall - I burn out. I'm actually going to be talking more about my health-related goals in a post later this week. 

Journal 

I’ve journalled on and off since I was little but I’ve never really stuck with it. My Grama kept journals from the time she was a young woman until she died. We have dozens of them, and I cherish them like you wouldn’t believe. I want my children and grandchildren to have mine someday, but it won’t be worth it if it’s a few random, inconsistent entries. I’m determined 2013 is going to be the best year ever, so it’ll be incentive to keep a journal regularly. I’ve actually already started. :-) 

Take more pictures 
There were times this year when I was really camera-happy, and I even learned a few new tricks just from playing around, but next year I really want to use my camera as if it were an extension of myself. I want to capture moments, feelings, memories, and even if no one but me ever sees the pictures, they’ll be my little moments in time to look at and remember. 

Go out more! 
Go out, have a life, do things, LIVE. I didn't do enough living in 2012. I want to have adventures and take chances and laugh til I cry and dance and be silly and HAVE FUN. I'm tired of being a hermit, I'm tired of letting my social anxiety hold me back. Life is meant for living and I need to get out there and live it! 

Make this blog more of a priority 
The times when I go for weeks without posting are usually because I don’t really have anything to share. 2012 was a pretty quiet (read: boring) year in my personal life, but I’m determined to change that in 2013, so I will be posting about my adventures, posting more pictures, and talking about projects and maybe even sharing a few recipes or how-tos.

I feel like 2012 was the year I really got my professional life started. I wrote almost non-stop, published three works, and wrote several others to publish in 2013. I feel like I'm getting that aspect of my life under control and it's all coming together nicely, and now 2013 is the year to carry that on but also get my personal life going. It can't all be about work, and I'm ready to detach myself from the computer a bit and have some fun!

Wishing you all a healthy, happy, love-filled, prosperous, AMAZING 2013!! <3

    

Friday's Letters #4

Friday's Letters is hosted by Ashley over at Adventures of Newlyweds. This has been a really busy week for me, and it's looking like it'll be a busy weekend, too. I swear I need a few more hours in the day just to get everything done.

Dear blog, I'm sorry I neglected you so badly over the summer. Ramblings of a Daydreamer took so much time and work that you got shifted to the back burner. I'll try to do better!

Dear Mum, I'm so glad you're happy with your new fireplace. It's not often I get to surprise you, and seeing you happy makes me happy. 

Dear Logan, last night was your first night sleeping over since you were about a year old. You slept all night, and I'm so thankful!
Dear Castle, you were awesome this week! I've missed Nathan Fillion and the gang. Dear CSI: NY and Blue Bloods, I'm super excited you're starting tonight! I've missed Eye Candy Fridays. ;-)

Dear Jenn, I had to laugh when you asked me to go see male strippers with you. Have we met?? Can you really see me going to see male strippers? I'd die of embarrassment. You'd think you would know that after 23 years of friendship. The only male strippers I'll be seeing is when Magic Mike comes to DVD next month.

Dear WalMart, why do you have to give part-timers the crappiest shifts known to man? I'm grateful to you for giving my sister-in-law a job, but it's hard to get a two-year-old on a schedule when I have him different hours every day.

Dear Chapters, thank you for having The Casual Vacancy by JK Rowling 45% off for pre-orders. I wasn't going to buy the book, but the price talked me into it...I just couldn't help myself. Now please deliver my book in a timely manner! 

 

Jenn's Wedding

One of my best childhood friends, Jenn, got married on Saturday. The ceremony was held at a beautiful hall just outside town. The ceremony itself was outdoors with a lovely view of the river, and the weather was perfect. The chairs were under a tent (which Jenn and I got the license for a couple weeks ago - took us ten times longer to get the tent license than her marriage license), and there was a nice breeze coming off the water.

Jenn had 6 attendants - Starr, who I’ve known since Kindergarten (a year longer than I’ve known Jenn), three I’ve known for several years through Jenn (Tanya, Lindsey, and Jill), one I just met at Jenn’s bridal shower (Andrea), and Jenn’s new sister-in-law (also named Jenn). Jenn’s dad and six-year-old son Kaleb walked her down the aisle. It was very sweet, and she looked beautiful.

Kaleb, Jenn, Mr. Ashby

The ceremony was short and simple, and was completed with a sand ceremony to signify the union of their families (Adam has two daughters - they were flower girls). It was really nice, and by some miracle, I managed not to cry!

After the ceremony, there was a lot of standing around while pictures were taken. Suleena (my other best childhood friend, and my date for the wedding) and I hung out with the bridal party while they waited for their pictures, which didn’t end up happening until after dinner. 

Me, Jenn, Suleena

Intros and speeches took place in between dinner courses, and then we all went outside so some of the tables could be moved to create a dance floor, and so more pictures could be taken. We ended up with the bridal party again, taking pictures of our own while they waited for their actual professional shots. We had a lot of fun.

Me and Suleena

Tanya and me

When we went back inside, Suleena and I left our assigned table of strangers and sat with the bridal party near the dance floor while Jenn and Adam had their first dance, then the father/daughter and mother/son dances. I only cried twice that night - once during one of the groomsmen’s speeches when he said Kaleb told him he was getting a new dad that day and asked if it was ok, because he (the groomsmen) had basically been like a dad up until then, and once when Jenn was dancing with her dad, because it made me sad that I’ll never have that. I’d say that’s pretty good for me, since I’m known for being a crier! 

The fun really began when we all finally got on the dance floor. Except for her bachelorette party, I haven’t been dancing with Jenn in about eight years, and we used to go every weekend in college, so it was like a blast from the past, especially with Tanya there, because she used to be one of our club buddies.

My favorite part of the day (besides actually seeing Jenn get married, of course) was getting to catch up with old friends - Starr and Tanya in particular. It made me sad when we left, because I have no idea when I’ll see them again. Starr lives out of town, and I haven’t seen her since we graduated from high school (ten years this month), and I haven’t seen Tanya since about 2005, and she just moved across the country a few weeks ago, so chances of seeing her again for awhile are slim. It’s a strange feeling - kind of bittersweet, getting to catch up, feeling like you’ve reconnected, but knowing it will probably be years before we see each other again.

Starr and me

Anyway, it was a great day, and I had a lot of fun. It was incredibly surreal to watch Jenn get married. None of us ever thought she’d get married, and when we were little, we all thought I’d be the first to get married and have kids, but almost all our friends are married and/or have kids, and I'm still single (feeling kind of like the spinster aunt lately). I’m so happy that Jenn’s happy, and I hope she and Adam have a long, love-filled life together.  

 

 

Friday's Letters #3 - June 15th

Friday's Letters is hosted by Ashley over at Adventures of Newlyweds. This has been a really busy week for me, and it's looking like it'll be a busy weekend, too. I swear I need a few more hours in the day just to get everything done.

 

Dear Jenn, I can't  believe you're getting married tomorrow. Remember when we were little and we all thought I'd be the first one to get married and have kids? Now all our childhood friends are either married and/or have kids and I'm still single. Funny how life turns out. I can't wait to celebrate with you tomorrow...and yes, I will cry like baby.

Dear Aunt J and Uncle R, I'm so happy I'll be able to go to your 50th wedding anniversary party after all. It's going to be a jam-packed day, and I'll only be able to stay for an hour since I have to go to Jenn's wedding, but it's better than missing the party entirely. 50 years...what an amazing thing. I'll have to remember to tell Jenn that she picked a lucky wedding date.

Dear weather, thank you for finally cooling down. It's technically still spring, and it's nice to actually have spring weather instead of jumping right into summer. Please stay like this for at least a few more days...but especially tomorrow! 

Dear week, you have not been kind to me. I'm actually kind of surprised I made it through in once piece...and that all the people around me did, too. I'm so glad you're almost over.

Dear Mum, thank you for always being there for me, and being the one person in the world I know I can count on no matter what. Thank you for celebrating with me when I finished writing book #2 last weekend, and for not complaining when I let this crappy week get the better of me from time to time. I love you more than anything.

Dear Logan, I've said it before, but I'll say it again: this whole terrible twos thing is for the birds.

Dear Noah, getting to see you unexpectedly on Wednesday and having you hug me tight and say 'I missed you' made my heart melt...I can't believe you're going to be ten in a few weeks. My babies are growing up! Auntie loves you so much.

Dear motivation and will power, where did you go?! We were doing so good, don't leave me now. We can't afford to give up again - this weight must come off!

Dear blog and blog friends, sorry I've neglected you this week. My brain's a crazy, scattered mess right now. Next week I should have more to talk about, and hopefully my brain will be functioning better.

 

I hope you've all had a great week! Be sure to leave links to your Friday's Letters below so I can visit you in return. Have a great weekend!

 

Motivate Me Monday #3

Motivate Me Monday is hosted by Amanda at For Love of a Cupcake.

Weekly stats from Monday May 28th - Sunday June 3rd

Fitness minutes: 363

Miles walked: 25

This week was full of highs and lows fitness and weight loss wise. My workouts were decent, but my eating sucked a lot of the time. It could have been a lot worse, but there were quite a few times where I either ate too much, or ate stuff I shouldn't have. But...there's nothing I can do about it now, and I refuse to feel guilty and punish myself, so I just have to keep on keepin' on. This week will be better. I bought a ton of fruits and veggies on Saturday, and I'm already planning out my meals and snacks.

A few sources of motivation this week: on Wednesday, I went shopping with my friend Jenn. She was looking for clothes for this past weekend for more pre-wedding fun. Jenn's always been very thin, and shopping with her always makes me feel kind of bad about myself. The stores she shops in don't carry anything even close to my size, and even though I had a few wistful moments looking at clothes I wish I could wear, I didn't feel as bad as I normally do, because I decided to turn it into motivation. 

*I will fit into those kinds of clothes by next summer.
*I will be able to shop at any store in the mall and find a size that fits. 
*I won't always have to shop in the plus size section or avoid certain kinds of clothes because they make me look fat. 
*Someday Jenn will be the one sitting outside the dressing room while I try stuff on, and giving her opinion on how things look on me. 
*Someday I'll get to walk out of the mall carrying bags full of clothes and get to have a Carrie Bradshaw/Sex in the City moment. 


If I keep working as hard as I have been, it's all only a matter of time. Last week's setbacks? Already forgotten...moving on!

Source: healthyteenagedirtbag.tumblr.com via Stephanie on Pinterest

Source: 150lbsto120lbs.tumblr.com via Rachel on Pinterest

Source: get-thinspiration.tumblr.com via Jes on Pinterest

Source: healthysexyhappy.tumblr.com via Jes on Pinterest

 

What's motivating you this week?

 

Friday's Letters #2 - June 1st

Friday's Letters is hosted by Ashley over at Adventures of Newlyweds. This has been a really busy week for me, and it's looking like it'll be a busy weekend, too. I swear I need a few more hours in the day just to get everything done.

 

Here are my Friday letters...

 

Dear body, I know it’s been almost a week now, but I still can’t believe we got day drunk at Jenn’s bridal shower/bachelorette, drank for 12 hours straight and didn’t get sick. How did that happen? I thought we’d be a puking, drooling, miserable mess on Sunday. 

Dear Noah, last weekend when you came in from playing and you didn’t know I was at your house, I expected you to ignore me because your friends were there and you’re too old (or perhaps ‘too cool’) to acknowledge your auntie, so when you yelled, “Mimi!” and ran into my arms, I swear my heart just about burst. It was worth getting covered in dirt and sweat from your hours of playing outside. Thank you for making my day. No matter how old or how big you get, you'll always be my baby.  

Dear Bruno Mars, why didn't I start listening to you sooner? I knew a few of your songs from the radio, but Jenn introduced me to more of your music and now I'm in love. Talking to the Moon, and Let It Rain are my new favorite songs.

Dear Amazon, my package arrived two days earlier than expected, and I can’t love you enough for that. I haven’t had new books in so long, and these are four books I’ve been dying to get my hands on. Thank you!

Dear mailman who delivered my Amazon package, thank you so much for actually coming to the door to deliver it instead of pretending we weren’t home, leaving a slip in the mailbox, and then making me walk down to the post office in this heat.

Dear Jenn, I can’t believe you’re getting married in two weeks. I had a great time with you on Wednesday, and since I’m not part of your bridal party, I’m glad I could help you out in some way (ie keeping you company for an hour at city hall while you got your marriage license, and a tent license, then spending the afternoon trailing along with you in the mall and watching while you tried on clothes for some of the upcoming events before the wedding).

Dear Quinte Mall, I really wish you had more stores that catered to full-figured women. Seeing almost everything in XS-L makes me want to get violent. I’m busting my butt to lose weight, but I’m a hell of a long way from anything resembling a Small.

Dear June, how are you here already? What happened to May? Please be an awesome kick-off to summer. I'm kind of worried because the only thing I have planned all summer is Jenn's wedding, but hopefully you'll prove me wrong by being full of awesome.

Dear Logan, this whole Terrible Twos thing is for the birds. You’ve always been so sweet and good-natured and even-tempered, I guess I naively hoped we’d coast through the Terrible Twos relatively unscathed. Yeah, not so much.  Good thing you're so freaking cute. And good thing I get to send you back home to your parents at the end of the day.

 I hope you've all had a great week. Any fun plans for the weekend?

 

 

 

Jenn’s Bridal Shower and Bachelorette

One of my best childhood friends, Jenn, is getting married June 16th. Jenn and I have been friends since 1st grade, so that’s about 23 years…a freaking long time to be friends with someone. We’ve always had this incredibly volatile relationship - we’ve loved each other like sisters and hated each other like worst enemies. Sometimes in the same day.

And now she’s getting married. Every time I say that, I either seem to laugh or cry. It’s just so surreal. Jenn has a six-year-old son, so she’s already technically a ‘grown up’ but this seals the deal, you know? She’ll officially be an adult, despite the fact that she’s been responsible for another human life for the last six years. It’s just that most people - Jenn included, I think - likely thought Jenn would never get married. And now she is, and, like I said, it’s just incredibly surreal.

Even more surreal is the fact that I didn’t even meet her fiancé, Adam, until this past Saturday. Jenn and I are in contact fairly regularly, but we don’t see each other that much. We’ve had some issues over the years (in case you didn’t guess by the whole ‘we’ve always had a volatile relationship’ thing), and we’ll go months without seeing or speaking to each other, but then we'll all of a sudden start hanging out again. We started spending a bit of time together shortly after Jenn met Adam year before last. We had a few movie night/sleepovers, but then she got more serious with Adam and we went back to not seeing each other. I was absolutely shocked when they got engaged that Christmas. I think they’d only been together three months or so, so I was glad to hear they’d be engaged for a year and a half. 

I think before Saturday, the last time I saw Jenn was just after Christmas when we spent a day shopping together, so almost six months. I didn’t think I’d even meet Adam until the wedding, which gave me such a bizarre feeling, but I finally got to meet him Saturday night. 

Another weird feeling comes from the fact that I always expected to be in her bridal party. I can understand why I’m not - neither of us has exactly been the ideal friend at times. I know there were plenty of times when I should have been there for her and I wasn’t, and there were times I’d wished she was there for me and she wasn't - there are a lot of things I'd change about our history if I had the chance. She’s had a group of friends who have pretty much been there for her, and I can understand why they’re in her bridal party and I’m not. So because I understand, I can’t say that I’m hurt, it’s just strange, especially after 23 years of friendship. I didn’t get to go to her Jack and Jill because I already had plans, so when I was invited to the shower, I thought ‘come hell or high water, I am going to that shower’, and I’m so glad I did.

And now that all that heavy stuff is out of the way, I’ll get onto the fun stuff. The shower was co-hosted by Jenn’s maid of honour, Lindsey, and Jenn’s mom. We played a few games, had some great food and cake, and a lot of drinks. And when I say a lot, I mean I spent almost 12 hours straight drinking, and I’m not even kidding. Lindsey got Suleena (my other childhood best friend, and my date for the wedding) and me a drink as soon as we arrived, and I pretty much always had a drink the entire day and night. Days later, I’m still trying to figure out how I ended up not getting violently ill lol.

Lindsey had this scavenger hunt checklist of embarrassing things Jenn had to, and we went all over town doing them before ending up at the club. I haven’t been out dancing since my sister-in-law’s bachelorette party, and before that it was my college days when I used to go out every weekend with Jenn. We had a blast - our pregnant friend Starr (who I’ve known since kindergarten, and haven't seen since high school) was our designated driver who got to chauffeur us all around to check things off the list, then we ended up at Boston Pizza for more drinks and something to eat, and then Starr dropped us off at the club. It took us until almost 2am, but we finally got everything crossed off the list, and we had an incredible time in the process.

Less than three weeks until the wedding. I know I'm going to bawl my eyes out, and I also know I'm going to wish I was part of the whole thing, up there with her, part of the laughter and jokes and fun. But that's my burden to bear. All I can do is try to be a better friend now and make up for the times I should have been a better friend. 

Now I just need to find an outfit for the wedding! ;-)

Super yummy cake

The bride in some of her bachelorette gear, with her giant booze jug

Starr, Jenn, & me in our bridal gowns - the product of a shower game

Here comes the bride...now I just need a groom...lol

Mmm, fishbowl full o' booze. So good.

 

Motivate Me Monday #2

Motivate Me Monday is hosted by Amanda at For Love of a Cupcake.

Weekly stats from Monday May 21st - Sunday May 27th

Weekly weigh in - lost 2 pounds!

Fitness minutes: 360

Miles walked: 31.5
*Note: I didn't work out Friday (I was out half the day and felt sick the rest of the day), Saturday (I was at a bridal shower and bachelorette party from 2pm-2am), or Sunday (miraculously wasn't hungover - not sure how that happened after 12 hours of drinking - but I was tired and sore from Saturday). I only mention this because I usually work out 6-7 days a week, and this week it was only 4 days.*

I spent most of Friday morning going through Amanda’s (my sister-in-law) closet for an outfit for my friend Jenn’s bridal shower. Amanda just got a bunch of new clothes, and had several pants in a size smaller than I’d been wearing…and they fit! I was so excited! It’s been a long time coming. In the two years I’ve been yo-yoing I haven’t been able to make it to a smaller pant size than this one, so that’s my next big goal - I think another 10-15 pounds should do it. I ended up wearing a pair of my own pants to the shower (which hadn’t fit me in about a year, and which I later realized were actually kind of baggy on me), and a pretty purple shirt of Amanda’s. I felt comfortable and I felt good…not self-conscious like I usually am. And when we were at the bar, I saw a few cute boys looking at me…something I’m not used to! I felt confident for the first time in a long time, and it was nice. Scratch that, it was amazing. I'd forgotten how empowering it feels, because it's happened so infrequently in my life. I’m going to hold onto that feeling when I have the urge to eat everything in sight or not work out as hard as I know I could. 

Me!

I tried to be really good all week with my eating and exercise, knowing that Saturday I'd probably be eating a lot of junk, and drinking. I was pleased with how well I did, so I didn't feel guilty on Saturday when I drank for 12 hours straight (I'm not even going to imagine the calories I consumed in alcohol...it would be scary), ate all the amazing food at the shower, then pigged out on garlic bread and nachos before we hit the bar. I kept these things in mind: a) everyone's allowed a little binge once in awhile, b) I never get to go out, so I was determined to enjoy every second, c) I've been busting my butt with workouts, smaller portions, less sugar, and everything, d) it's not every day that one of your childhood best friends gets married and has a bachelorette, and e)....well, see below:

Source: confident-beautiful-motivated.tumblr.com via Marie on Pinterest

I haven't gone dancing since Amanda's bachelorette five and a half years ago, and before that it was my college days (which is almost eight years ago). I couldn't wait to get on the dance floor, and I know I burned off at least some of the gazillion calories I consumed throughout the day.

What's motivating you this week?