Confession time: I’m a bit of a hermit. I have some social anxiety issues, and because I work from home, I don’t need to go out all that often. Most of my friends are married and/or have children, so I don’t really have many people to hang out with, and I’m not confident enough to go out on my own (something I’m going to be working on this summer).
Being a hermit has never really bothered me until recently. I think it was because until recently I could go out, I just didn’t. Now that I have Logan here 4-5 days a week, my freedom is gone. Don’t get me wrong, I love having him here, and he brings me a lot of joy, but having him here has been a huge change/adjustment.
I’m an author and freelance writer, so I used to work on my writing, social networking, and promotion all day every day, and now with Logan here I’ve had to cut way back. I was hoping to have my second book finished several months ago, but I’m still working on it because I don’t have much time, and I’m finding it hard to concentrate. For instance, right now I know I should be writing, but I’m just not feeling it. My mind is all over the place, and all I really want to do is curl up and fall asleep...and it’s only 5pm as I write this. I'm mentally and physically exhausted - and I'm used to insanely long days (me being a hermit = working 8-14 hours a day, 7 days a week until I started watching Logan).
Again, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I’m complaining, and I wouldn’t even necessarily change things if I could (I didn’t get to spend even half this much time with my older nephew, Noah, when he was Logan’s age, so I cherish this time with Logan and know how lucky I am), it’s just I feel like I’m stuck in a rut. Same routine day in and day out, same four walls, and it's starting to feel like they’re closing in on me.
I’ve been feeling stuck for awhile now, but it wasn’t really until today that I realized I need to get out more. There’s this amazing blogger/photographer/author named Susannah Conway, who I’ve been following for awhile now and drawing inspiration from. She does several different e-courses, and her book, This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart came out this past Tuesday. She had a special offer for anyone who pre-ordered her book to take a free e-course, and I was so excited because I’d already pre-ordered and received my copy.
The course is called Exploring the Senses. I was immediately intrigued, because I know my senses need a little (okay, a lot of) fine-tuning. Usually writers are incredibly observant, and although I am with certain things, I’m terrible with other things. I live very much in my own little world (occupational hazard), and I often forget to pay attention to the world around me. I don’t take the time to really see or smell or touch or taste or connect. Maybe that’s part of my current problem.
I obviously can’t tell you the finer details of the course, but as I said, this morning I really realized I need to get out more. It was when I got the first ‘assignment’ for the course in my inbox, that I thought, ‘Huh…I’m actually going to have to venture out into the world of the living to accomplish some of these things.’ It’s kind of scary for me, but also exhilarating at the same time. It almost feels like a gentle nudge from the Universe telling me it’s time to get over my fears and my other issues and really LIVE. No more existing, it’s time to do and see and go and BE.
I’m already planning and plotting how to accomplish these things. I’m thinking that I might go to the rose garden on Friday (weather permitting), and maybe on Saturday I’ll wander around downtown, go to the library (my favorite spot), check out the farmer’s market (something I almost never do because there are so many people around), and see where the day takes me.
Maybe this is the beginning of something big and wonderful for me. Maybe this is the catalyst for change I’ve been so desperately seeking. So, thank you Universe…and thank you, Susannah.