Welcome, 2013! Let the awesome begin!

I don’t really know how to describe 2012. It was better than some, and I wouldn’t even go so far as to say it was worse than others, it was just…a lot of the same. A lot of monotony. However, I’ll take that over tragedy and heartache any day, so I don’t feel right complaining. But…there were times it felt like these four walls were closing in on me and that nothing would ever change. I got tired of the same routine day in and day out, but I didn’t really do much to change it…I didn’t know what I could do.

2013 will be different. I can feel it. I can feel the possibilities, the change in the air, the change in me. 2013 is going to be EPIC, I just know it. I haven't felt this hopeful in a really long time.

A few highlights of 2012: 

 *Achieving my lifelong dream of becoming a published author in January, and then publishing two more books throughout the year

*Going to Cobourg with my sister-in-law to meet Gail Vaz-Oxlade

*Watching one of my best childhood friends get married and having my other best childhood friend as my date

*This is out of chronological order, but…Jenn’s bridal shower and bachelorette - day drunk, old friends, crazy dares, and dancing

*Going to Watertown for a day of shopping

*Finding out I’m going to be an aunt again!

*Spending so much time with Logan. I didn’t get to see Noah nearly as much as I wanted to this year, but Logan was here a lot between Amanda going to school and then working. I got to see more of him this past year than I ever did of Noah at that age, and I feel like I got to shape his mind and turn him into the crazy, wonderful little person he is. He was so receptive to everything I taught him, and he’s just the best baby ever. I feel so blessed to have both him and Noah in my life, and soon another little niece or nephew!

2013 Goals

Get healthy

I say this every year, but this is something I have to do. No more excuses. I'm going to do this differently than usual though: I'm not going to put as much pressure on myself as I usually do. I'm going to work steadily but not make it my main focus or become obsessive about it, because that's always my down-fall - I burn out. I'm actually going to be talking more about my health-related goals in a post later this week. 

Journal 

I’ve journalled on and off since I was little but I’ve never really stuck with it. My Grama kept journals from the time she was a young woman until she died. We have dozens of them, and I cherish them like you wouldn’t believe. I want my children and grandchildren to have mine someday, but it won’t be worth it if it’s a few random, inconsistent entries. I’m determined 2013 is going to be the best year ever, so it’ll be incentive to keep a journal regularly. I’ve actually already started. :-) 

Take more pictures 
There were times this year when I was really camera-happy, and I even learned a few new tricks just from playing around, but next year I really want to use my camera as if it were an extension of myself. I want to capture moments, feelings, memories, and even if no one but me ever sees the pictures, they’ll be my little moments in time to look at and remember. 

Go out more! 
Go out, have a life, do things, LIVE. I didn't do enough living in 2012. I want to have adventures and take chances and laugh til I cry and dance and be silly and HAVE FUN. I'm tired of being a hermit, I'm tired of letting my social anxiety hold me back. Life is meant for living and I need to get out there and live it! 

Make this blog more of a priority 
The times when I go for weeks without posting are usually because I don’t really have anything to share. 2012 was a pretty quiet (read: boring) year in my personal life, but I’m determined to change that in 2013, so I will be posting about my adventures, posting more pictures, and talking about projects and maybe even sharing a few recipes or how-tos.

I feel like 2012 was the year I really got my professional life started. I wrote almost non-stop, published three works, and wrote several others to publish in 2013. I feel like I'm getting that aspect of my life under control and it's all coming together nicely, and now 2013 is the year to carry that on but also get my personal life going. It can't all be about work, and I'm ready to detach myself from the computer a bit and have some fun!

Wishing you all a healthy, happy, love-filled, prosperous, AMAZING 2013!! <3

    

September Nostalgia

I always get a funny feeling around this time of year. 

The fair was in town this past weekend, and school started today. The fair used to be a huge deal for me when I was a teenager. I don't think I ever went when I was little; at least I don't remember ever going. High school was a different story though. I live just around the corner from the fairgrounds, and my best friend Suleena and I would go every year. It was a huge deal for us. We took pains with our appearances, as if we were going somewhere fancy rather than just the fair. It was the late 90s, so there was a lot of glitter involved, as you can imagine. Temporary tattoos, too, if I remember correctly. 

We would head over as soon as the fair opened at noon, buy our wristbands, and ride the rides all day...but we only liked a handful of rides, so it was the same thing for hours on end. Neither of us minded. I can remember the smell of French fries, cotton candy, candy apples, and various other artery-clogging, sugary confections. Music blasted from huge stereo speakers, and mixed with excited screams to form the soundtrack of the end of summer. Nighttime was always my favourite time to be at the fair - all the little kids had gone home, and I loved seeing all those neon lights flashing like a glow in the dark kaleidoscope. From the top of the ferris wheel, you could see the bay glinting in the distance, and the entire city sprawled below. We would stay until closing and then go back to my place for a sleepover. We were the two musketeers in those days. It was always the two of us, no one else.

I have some really amazing memories of those days. I can't remember the last time I went to the fair. I think Suleena and I went once in college, but I honestly can't remember. After that, she had a daughter of her own, and we didn't go together anymore. There was no one else I wanted to go with, and the price of admission was a deterrent from going and simply wandering around. 

Every year now I feel nostalgic when the fair comes to town on Labour Day weekend. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was inside those gates laughing and carefree, trying to forget that school would be starting in a few days. I always had this major anxiety about the first week of school. Now it's been ten years since I graduated from high school - I can't believe it.

Time sure does fly. I'm tired of feeling like it's flying away from me, beyond my control. It's time for change...

Jenn's Wedding

One of my best childhood friends, Jenn, got married on Saturday. The ceremony was held at a beautiful hall just outside town. The ceremony itself was outdoors with a lovely view of the river, and the weather was perfect. The chairs were under a tent (which Jenn and I got the license for a couple weeks ago - took us ten times longer to get the tent license than her marriage license), and there was a nice breeze coming off the water.

Jenn had 6 attendants - Starr, who I’ve known since Kindergarten (a year longer than I’ve known Jenn), three I’ve known for several years through Jenn (Tanya, Lindsey, and Jill), one I just met at Jenn’s bridal shower (Andrea), and Jenn’s new sister-in-law (also named Jenn). Jenn’s dad and six-year-old son Kaleb walked her down the aisle. It was very sweet, and she looked beautiful.

Kaleb, Jenn, Mr. Ashby

The ceremony was short and simple, and was completed with a sand ceremony to signify the union of their families (Adam has two daughters - they were flower girls). It was really nice, and by some miracle, I managed not to cry!

After the ceremony, there was a lot of standing around while pictures were taken. Suleena (my other best childhood friend, and my date for the wedding) and I hung out with the bridal party while they waited for their pictures, which didn’t end up happening until after dinner. 

Me, Jenn, Suleena

Intros and speeches took place in between dinner courses, and then we all went outside so some of the tables could be moved to create a dance floor, and so more pictures could be taken. We ended up with the bridal party again, taking pictures of our own while they waited for their actual professional shots. We had a lot of fun.

Me and Suleena

Tanya and me

When we went back inside, Suleena and I left our assigned table of strangers and sat with the bridal party near the dance floor while Jenn and Adam had their first dance, then the father/daughter and mother/son dances. I only cried twice that night - once during one of the groomsmen’s speeches when he said Kaleb told him he was getting a new dad that day and asked if it was ok, because he (the groomsmen) had basically been like a dad up until then, and once when Jenn was dancing with her dad, because it made me sad that I’ll never have that. I’d say that’s pretty good for me, since I’m known for being a crier! 

The fun really began when we all finally got on the dance floor. Except for her bachelorette party, I haven’t been dancing with Jenn in about eight years, and we used to go every weekend in college, so it was like a blast from the past, especially with Tanya there, because she used to be one of our club buddies.

My favorite part of the day (besides actually seeing Jenn get married, of course) was getting to catch up with old friends - Starr and Tanya in particular. It made me sad when we left, because I have no idea when I’ll see them again. Starr lives out of town, and I haven’t seen her since we graduated from high school (ten years this month), and I haven’t seen Tanya since about 2005, and she just moved across the country a few weeks ago, so chances of seeing her again for awhile are slim. It’s a strange feeling - kind of bittersweet, getting to catch up, feeling like you’ve reconnected, but knowing it will probably be years before we see each other again.

Starr and me

Anyway, it was a great day, and I had a lot of fun. It was incredibly surreal to watch Jenn get married. None of us ever thought she’d get married, and when we were little, we all thought I’d be the first to get married and have kids, but almost all our friends are married and/or have kids, and I'm still single (feeling kind of like the spinster aunt lately). I’m so happy that Jenn’s happy, and I hope she and Adam have a long, love-filled life together.  

 

 

Jenn’s Bridal Shower and Bachelorette

One of my best childhood friends, Jenn, is getting married June 16th. Jenn and I have been friends since 1st grade, so that’s about 23 years…a freaking long time to be friends with someone. We’ve always had this incredibly volatile relationship - we’ve loved each other like sisters and hated each other like worst enemies. Sometimes in the same day.

And now she’s getting married. Every time I say that, I either seem to laugh or cry. It’s just so surreal. Jenn has a six-year-old son, so she’s already technically a ‘grown up’ but this seals the deal, you know? She’ll officially be an adult, despite the fact that she’s been responsible for another human life for the last six years. It’s just that most people - Jenn included, I think - likely thought Jenn would never get married. And now she is, and, like I said, it’s just incredibly surreal.

Even more surreal is the fact that I didn’t even meet her fiancé, Adam, until this past Saturday. Jenn and I are in contact fairly regularly, but we don’t see each other that much. We’ve had some issues over the years (in case you didn’t guess by the whole ‘we’ve always had a volatile relationship’ thing), and we’ll go months without seeing or speaking to each other, but then we'll all of a sudden start hanging out again. We started spending a bit of time together shortly after Jenn met Adam year before last. We had a few movie night/sleepovers, but then she got more serious with Adam and we went back to not seeing each other. I was absolutely shocked when they got engaged that Christmas. I think they’d only been together three months or so, so I was glad to hear they’d be engaged for a year and a half. 

I think before Saturday, the last time I saw Jenn was just after Christmas when we spent a day shopping together, so almost six months. I didn’t think I’d even meet Adam until the wedding, which gave me such a bizarre feeling, but I finally got to meet him Saturday night. 

Another weird feeling comes from the fact that I always expected to be in her bridal party. I can understand why I’m not - neither of us has exactly been the ideal friend at times. I know there were plenty of times when I should have been there for her and I wasn’t, and there were times I’d wished she was there for me and she wasn't - there are a lot of things I'd change about our history if I had the chance. She’s had a group of friends who have pretty much been there for her, and I can understand why they’re in her bridal party and I’m not. So because I understand, I can’t say that I’m hurt, it’s just strange, especially after 23 years of friendship. I didn’t get to go to her Jack and Jill because I already had plans, so when I was invited to the shower, I thought ‘come hell or high water, I am going to that shower’, and I’m so glad I did.

And now that all that heavy stuff is out of the way, I’ll get onto the fun stuff. The shower was co-hosted by Jenn’s maid of honour, Lindsey, and Jenn’s mom. We played a few games, had some great food and cake, and a lot of drinks. And when I say a lot, I mean I spent almost 12 hours straight drinking, and I’m not even kidding. Lindsey got Suleena (my other childhood best friend, and my date for the wedding) and me a drink as soon as we arrived, and I pretty much always had a drink the entire day and night. Days later, I’m still trying to figure out how I ended up not getting violently ill lol.

Lindsey had this scavenger hunt checklist of embarrassing things Jenn had to, and we went all over town doing them before ending up at the club. I haven’t been out dancing since my sister-in-law’s bachelorette party, and before that it was my college days when I used to go out every weekend with Jenn. We had a blast - our pregnant friend Starr (who I’ve known since kindergarten, and haven't seen since high school) was our designated driver who got to chauffeur us all around to check things off the list, then we ended up at Boston Pizza for more drinks and something to eat, and then Starr dropped us off at the club. It took us until almost 2am, but we finally got everything crossed off the list, and we had an incredible time in the process.

Less than three weeks until the wedding. I know I'm going to bawl my eyes out, and I also know I'm going to wish I was part of the whole thing, up there with her, part of the laughter and jokes and fun. But that's my burden to bear. All I can do is try to be a better friend now and make up for the times I should have been a better friend. 

Now I just need to find an outfit for the wedding! ;-)

Super yummy cake

The bride in some of her bachelorette gear, with her giant booze jug

Starr, Jenn, & me in our bridal gowns - the product of a shower game

Here comes the bride...now I just need a groom...lol

Mmm, fishbowl full o' booze. So good.